Maybe I'm Amazed
by Priss-2040
Summary: Songfic. RyoxDee. Ryo gets tired of Dee pawing at him, and Dee leaves Ryo. Ryo, alone and very upset, thinks about what he really wants, and then shows Dee how he really feels.


AN- This story came to me, while I was trying to find a way to get rid of my bad case of writer's block.  
  
Standard Disclaimer applies.  
  
Warnings  
  
MILD LANGUAGE  
  
MILD YAOI  
  
ANGST- Get the tissues out kids. This one gets sad.  
  
Also, I changed the song lyrics a bit. Woman to man.  
  
Song- Maybe I'm Amzed-Paul McCartney I did shorten the lyrics a small bit though. SO don't flame me for not having the whole song.  
  
Title- Maybe I'm Amzed  
  
POV- Ryo  
  
_Lyrics  
_  
_Maybe I'm Amazed   
at the way you love me all the time.  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you  
Maybe I'm Amazed at the way   
you pull me out of time  
You hung me on the line  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way  
I really need you  
_  
"Ryo?"  
  
I looked up to see Dee, once again, inches from my face. That was starting to get old.   
  
"Yes Dee."  
  
I knew what his question was going to be, before he even asked it. The answer was the same as always.  
  
"Since we seem, to be alone. You know? Coul we maybe, just go into the bedroom and, let me show you, how I can make you feel good?"  
  
I sigh. He always does this. Every time Bikky leaves, he is on me. Pawing at me, like I'm his plaything. I know. I let him come live with me and this is the thanks I get for it. I know how he feels for me. But I don't know how I feel for him. I suppose, I'm afraid of being hurt, or losing him. We are detectives after all, and our line of work, is pretty tough. But still, what if I tell him, and then the next day he falls for some blonde thing, and just throws me away like I'm some kind of old cady wrapper.  
  
"Dee. No. I'm sick of this Dee. You always do this, and every time it's always been the same answer. No means no. I don't get you sometimes. You seem to think, that if I said no one day, the nthe next will be yes. When I am ready, I will tell you."  
  
I told him as gently as possible. But I can still see the hurt in his eyes.  
  
"Ryo, I love you. And I know you love me. Why can't you just accept who you are, and tell me you love me too? I know you do. Or else you wouldn't have let me come live with you. Ryo, I can't take all of this waiting and pushing me off. I really need to know, do you love me as well?"  
  
This was new. Normally, when I tell him no, he pouts for an hour, then tries again. I think I may have hurt him this time. But the big question is, do I really love him like he loves me? Yes I like him as a friend, but I don't know if I can take this relationship further.  
  
"Dee. I don't know. Just....let me think about it, ok? You know this is my first time, with a man. Let me think ok?"  
  
Dee sighed. I knew he was sad. I hated having hurt hime like that, but something had to be said.  
  
"OK Ryo, I understand. You don't want me to be here. You don't love me. Do you?"  
  
"Dee, please just listen to me."  
  
"No, Ryo. I get the hint. If you ever decide what you want, you know where I'll be."  
  
He's leaving me. He walked out of my front door, and quite possibly out of my life. Why is this so hard? Why can't I just tell him how I feel?   
  
_Maybe I'm a man  
Maybe I'm a lonely man  
who's in the middle of something  
that he doesn't really understand._  
  
So now, here I am. I am curled up on my couch. I had spent the last hour crying. If I don't really love him, then why is his leaving affecting me so much? Why do I feel like I am alone, and so cold without Dee here? Maybe I really love him, and need him? But then why is it hard to say? Meybe it's becasue Dee is so open with his lifestyle, and I am not. I was straight before I met Dee, and now the things I feel for him, scare me. What if I get involved with him, and my family rejects me? Am I willing to give up my family for him?   
  
'If your family really loves you, then they won't hate you for being with Dee.'  
  
I hear a small voice in the back of my head. True. If they really loved me, then they wouldn't hate me for loving other men. But, then, does Dee, still even want me? He seemed so sad. So, heart broken when he looked at me. I wonder what I must be doing to him. What it must be taking him to still be with me, even after being rejected by me so many times.  
  
"I'll make it up to you Dee. You kust have to understand my situation first."  
  
I saw aloud, and grab my coat. I rush out the door, and down the stairs. You apartment is just a block away, so I walk. It is a rather cold night for it being May. I reach your apartment building, and just stare at it. I can't force myself to go in. I want to, but I just can't.  
  
_Maybe I'm a man  
Maybe you're the only man   
who could ever help me.  
Baby, won't you help me to understand  
_  
I pull myself together and call you on the intercom. I hear it buzz. But no answer. I buzz again, and no answer. I let go, and turn to leave. I knew you wouldn't want me. Not after the way I have treated you. I walk down the first step, only to hear a very sleepy;  
  
"Hello?"  
  
I gasp. It's Dee! I dart back over to the intercom and speak.  
  
"Dee. It's Ryo. I...need to speak with you, please?"  
  
There is a long pause.   
  
"Why? You know how I feel. Can't you just say you love me too?"  
  
"But Dee, that's what I'm hear for. Please Dee, just listen to me. I really need you to let me in, and hear me out. I don't want to speak like this. I want to see your face."  
  
I hear him sigh, and he fianally buzzes me in. I walk up the stairs, and I near his door. I knock softly, so I don't bother the other neighbors. He opens up the door, and lets me in. I take in his sight. He is dressed in only a pair of dark blue boxers.  
  
"So, you're here. Talk."  
  
He says rather sleeply. I sit on the couch, that he calls a bed, and he follows.  
  
"Well, Dee. I did a little thinking, and I know how you feel already, but I needed to know how I felt. And now I know. I really do love you, but I'm afraid."  
  
He looked at me funny, then he understood.  
  
"Ryo, is that all? You're afraid of love?"  
  
I noded my head. I was quite ashamed to be afraid of it too.  
  
"Ryo. Baby, you don't have to be afraid. Are you scared becasue I am a man, and you are too?"  
  
I noded my head. Small tears trecked down my face. He puts his arms around me, and pulls me to his chest.  
  
"Ryo, you shoudln't think about what other peopel think of you because of who you love. Who cares what they think. It should only matter to you, and the person who you love."  
  
I stopped crying and looked up into his eyes.  
  
"Dee, I really do love you, it's just, what if I lose my family? Or what if you get tired of me, and find someone else? I am afraid to love other people becasue everyone and everything I love seem to always end up leaving me in the end. Take my parents for example. They are dead, and I loved them so much. Or my ex-gilfriend, Stenphanie. She died the night I proposed to her. I loved her so much, Dee! I am just so afraid that if I let myself fall in love with you, I'll end up losing you, and do you know what that would do to me, Dee? I would just die."  
  
I started crying again. I had to get those feelings out in the open. It felt like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt so wonderful.  
  
"Oh Ryo. I don't ever want to think about a future without you. I would never get tired of you. I love you so much, I would run through Hell for you. I would take a bullet for you. I would die for you. Ryo, if your family loved you, they woudln't be ashamed of you. I'm sure you've got family that would love you no matter what. Your parents would be so proud of you if they saw you now. They would be so proud about what you have become. They wouldn't hate you Ryo. I know I don't know them, but if you're anything like them, I'm sure they wouldn't hate you."  
  
Now it was his turn to cry. He had tears streaming down his face. We both cried together. I don't know how long it was before we stopped. I looked into his green eyes. Serching. Making sure this was ok. That we were ok. He noded his head as if he heard my thoughts, and I pressed my lips to his. We kissed for the next few moments. Our lips and toungues exploring each other. We parted. We were both gasping for air. I looked into his eyes, and he looked into mine.  
  
"Dee? I'm ready now."   
  
Dee looked at me in surprise.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
I noded my head, as he bent down to kiss me. My hands moved down to his boxers and gently pulled. Dee was as hard as I was.   
  
_Maybe I'm amazed at the  
way you're with me all the time  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the   
way you help me sing my song,  
right me when I'm wrong  
Maybe I'm amazed at the  
way I really need you_  
  
I woke up that morning, in Dee's arms. I was happy. Finally Dee and I had taken our ralationship further. I felt completed now. Like, before a part of me, was missing, and now I was whole. I had a family now, with Dee and Bikky. We were partners now, on the job, and off the job. I quietly got up. I didn't want to wake Dee. I walked into what he called a kitchen, and started coffee.  
  
"Ryo?"  
  
"In here Dee. I wanted to let you sleep, but I guess I woke you up."  
  
"It's ok Ryo. I smelled the coffee."  
  
Dee wrapped his arms around me, and kiss my neck softly.  
  
"I love you Dee."  
  
"I love you too Ryo."  
  
Me and Ryo ended up getting married the following year. I never expected me and him to go this far. Dee and I lived happy lives, untill he was shot. My whole world collapsed when I heard. But now as I stand at his grave, I realized something, Dee had shown me true love, and trust.  
  
I gave him my heart, and he never broke it. He showed me that it didn't matter what people thought about us being gay, just as long as we had each other to come home too. I knelt down, and placed a kiss on the grave.  
  
"Thank you Dee. I love you." 


End file.
